Has been a while, since I start asking for a brainwash.

When I was a child as any other girl, I dreamed about the prince charming and how romantic will it be when he found me, and that we will live happily ever after. I read a lot of books that inspire me to create the perfect prince charming for me, but in my first book I also discover the scary feeling of the unwanted love; I was reading “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” (by William Shakespeare), and I saw how Helena love Demetrius so much, and how he loves Hermia instead. Why I didn’t notice that love could be so weak in that moment?.

In my teenager years, I didn’t find a prince charming. I was one of those teenagers girls that still loves the guys in the books buy didn’t find a real one. That wasn’t so bad in the moment, I had a lot of fun with my friends and I didn’t feel the need to find love, ’cause I feel loved.

Then in college I start to think that I was alone, no that I don’t have a lot of friends, is that at least 45% of them when in a relationship, or flirting between them … and where was I? just right there being their “wing man” and nothing else. I start to believe that I will end up alone, or finally taking the step of go to the convent, but let face it, all of those thoughts appears just ’cause I’m a drama queen, I knew that maybe someday he will came, I wasn’t that ugly, do I?.

Well a random day someone told me that I look pretty and he makes me smile, I was happy. Someone takes the time to look at me as a woman, a good looking woman to love, but that was just a random thing, not love after all. I start to doubt about me, about my beauty and about love. Then another guy appear, he looks so “real”, so good and charming, till he didn’t get what he want from me, so he walks away. Of course that I feel awful and unworthy.

Then something unexpected happens, this unworthy girl was found, and I let myself fall in love of this unique guy, and I put away all my fears, and get blind for all this crazy fast love. I learn that the others before were just the wrong part of the path that I have to know. I can’t deny that I was scared, but I didn’t care. We were happy, I was HAPPY!.

Today when I have to write all this story in past time, hurts a lot to know that this path of mine is not over yet and I want a brainwash to erase all the bad stuff, I need to remind that I lived beautiful moments, but not look back. I need a brainwash to let me get out of this cave and carry on with my life. I’ll never stop believing that my prince charming is somewhere out there, but I’m not anxious to find him.

It’s hard to move on, but it’s NOT IMPOSSIBLE!!.


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